Let’s talk about the Masculine.

The Divine Masculine is a way of describing half of the universe.

Some call it Yang, Shiva, and Grandfather. For today I am talking about how this universal force shows up in people of any gender. 

This Masculine is sacred, and, there seems to be an abundance of misunderstandings around it.

In my experience, the quality that shines the brightest is

divine presence.

Here is a story to illustrate the clearest transmission of the Masculine I’ve ever seen:

One night 6 years ago, my mom was fading in and out of consciousness in a scary way. We didn’t know it at the time, but her heart had slowed down to 20bpm (which is real bad).

Luckily I’m there, my sister and dad too. Paramedics arrive. In walks 5 firemen, cool as ice. Their energy is crisp, clear, and precise. The lead walks in and immediately I can feel his ownership of the space. There is no pressure. There is no force. Yet the situation is full of purpose.

Immediately I know we are on the same team. 

His eyes are on my mom as he’s listening to me explain the situation. I am watching and feeling him as he is tracking his team, watching for details in the room, and never missing a beat of my story. Nothing was going to happen he wasn’t aware of, and, at the same time, he was warm, courteous, and available. His eyes, when we did make eye contact, had the intensity of a hawk.

He informs his team what to do and they do it with immediacy, attention, and precision. They took her heart rate, saw how low it was, and without any trace of panic, put her in the ambulance. He tells me what hospital to go to and it’s done.

Never a second of panic, confusion, fear, defensiveness, or reaction. Nothing. Pure presence, clear purpose, and an available heart. Absolutely gorgeous masculine. 

(Side note: I’ve never f*cked a firefighter but I imagine these guys do it really well.)

Here’s what many people get confused about: some situations ask for more presence or more heart and doing so would not be less masculine.

Purpose can manifest in deeper ways. More presence may look like allowing others to lead and appearing passive because in your deep presence you are totally attuned to what is happening and you know that is the best move. More heart may result in becoming emotional and deeply moved, which is a reflection of meeting the fullness of the moment. Think of when someone has just lost someone, or also in sex, the ability to open the heart and meet the person in front of us is an aspect of purpose and requires that available heart to be opened up wide.

Still Masculine.

When the Masculine is collapsed into a fixed behavior it becomes dogmatic and two-dimensional. Many believe they have to conform (be a man!) at the expense of who they are (infinite, dynamic beings). This spirals further into the Masculine being seen as disposable fuck boys, soldiers, workers, etc. Two-dimensional.

A quick note on feelings and emotions:

Every human is an emotional creature. Re-read that if you need to. It’s hard-wired physiological fact. Now some of us are less expressive and that’s OK. However, if feelings are dismissed completely then we are cut off from their own essence. This is terrible because when we are cut off we are numb and may do things that hurt (ourselves/others/the world) and not feel the impact or even realize it.

All of that feeds this story that the Masculine doesn’t have feelings. Which often translates to men can’t have feelings and be men. This is not true and does a lot of harm. It’s just a lot of numb tissue, so don’t buy it. Everyone loses. If this is you, please do the work to feel, I know it’s hard and scary but it’s LIFE and there are people rooting for you (like me!!).

The real Masculine, and the Masculine as it appears in men, is absolutely GORGEOUS. Hard c*ck, on a mission, devoted, protecting, open-hearted, caring, lover of life. Bringing us forward, to the next step, onward. YES!

Do all men need to be in their masculine primarily? Nah, don’t believe the hype.

Would all genders benefit from accepting, understanding, and embracing their inner Masculine? YES

I’ve done a lot of men’s work. It’s fucking great and I recommend it to every man out there. I recommend that any gender do personal growth work, have experiences, let go, emote, rage, and surrender into a safe container. It’s fucking great. DO IT.

The single most important experience in men’s work I had was a weekend where I saw that no matter who it was—the businessman, the stoner/skater guy, the macho/jock surfer, or the construction worker—they all had masks on. Those descriptions are not the man inside. When those masks came down, and they did, oh it was beautiful. Ugly crying, messy fear, disgust, contempt, raging fiery pain, whatever it was, every man, every human, is the same underneath. We all feel.

So please, PLEASE don’t buy a man’s mask no matter how well he plays it. His authentic self is dying for you to see him.

So, the Masculine? Is it John Wayne as our shining example? FUCK NO.

✨

Recently I loved reading that all these guys who follow Andrew Tate think he’s what women want. But when you look at popular opinion it’s the guys who like Andrew Tate, not the women. Who do the women like? Pedro Pascal. Pedro Pascal is that firefighter in the living room sort of guy. His characters are hot because they will go to war to protect something precious and sweet and do it with heart. And in real life he seems to be a kind man who plays it humble and speaks up for discounted populations like LGBTQIA+. This man isn’t posturing or trying to prove shit. He’s hot, we all know it, and he has presence, purpose, and heart.

To reiterate, all of this applies to all genders as the Masculine is a part of nature and inside everybody and everything.

The ideas of the Masculine, and glorification, are seeped into the wider world. What is valued, especially in business and corporate culture results in rigid, dry, brittle, resentful, unappreciated people who feel like they are all ‘mission’ (usually conquer, kill or fuck) without ever having any real satiation or fulfillment. Chasing the endless bottom line, always looking somewhere else. This is in everybody and it’s everywhere.

And, while there seems to be an overabundance of claims of what the Masculine is it occurs to me to share what it ISN’T…

What the Masculine Isn’t

– The Masculine does not strive. He trusts himself.

– The Masculine does not get defensive. He knows there is nothing to defend, and what is needed is his clear, penetrating attention.

– The Masculine does not go to war.  He knows the real war is inside. When he does the work to overcome the demons in himself, there is no more war to wage.

– The Masculine does not perform for his lover. He is authentic in his expression of love. He is connected to his body and follows the natural desire arising in him. His loving is a communion.

– The Masculine does not take in sex. He is always deeply listening for what the moment calls for. His ultimate liberation is to fulfill.

– The Masculine does not harm his environment. He knows that his outer environment is a reflection of his inner environment. 

– The Masculine does not give in to impulses carelessly. He does not hurry, oversteps, talk over, or push. He is able to patiently maintain himself as the impulse comes, mindfully calibrate it, and then reveal it while sharing the essence of the initial impulse. He has found the anchor inside of himself that keeps him grounded, centered, and calm, even in the most rigorous of storms.

– The Masculine does not chase. Sex, intimacy, substances, states of consciousness, nothing. He takes responsibility for his experience completely and expresses his desire without attachment. He distinguishes between his true needs and his emotional wounding. He takes great care of himself with deep love.

– The Masculine does not need approval from anyone to be himself. He has learned that his truth may not fit with the people around him, and, he is willing to do what it takes to follow that truth anyway.

– The Masculine does not conquer. His leadership is a natural groundswell of his embodied truth. This truth is magnetic, affirming, and connected.

– The Masculine does not suppress his emotions. He flows through his moment-by-moment experience without repression. He has learned to acknowledge, honor, and master his emotions so he may use their information to guide him toward his truest heart expression.

– The Masculine does not give up on what he believes in. He remains committed to the feeling in his heart that brought him to that situation, person, or experience. He stays with that feeling, even in the midst of confusion and chaos, as it guides him through. He knows his commitment in his very bones and never drops what is true in his heart—which may take him beyond the situation, person, or experience.

– The Masculine does not take a beating, nor does he play the martyr or the slave. He holds his worth and is aware of where his limitations and lines are. He communicates his boundaries clearly. He knows when he is beyond his capacity to hold space, communicate, or be present in a conscious way. He takes initiative to leave toxic situations as amicably as he can, knowing that creating space is the most loving thing.

– The Masculine does not exploit. He achieves his goals and leverages his resources with care for them.

– The Masculine does not “check out”. He understands how vital it is to resource himself to where he can replenish his capacity to hold. He takes ownership of his needs, creates the space to decompress he requires, and makes sure the quality fulfills the need.

– The Masculine does not over-give, say “I got it” when he doesn’t have it, nor pretend to know when he doesn’t know. He is acutely aware of his limitations and is able to openly share when he has reached them. He stands for his desire to provide while also acknowledging his limitations to do so. He knows that in sharing truthfully about his limits, even when painful or inconvenient, he is more trustworthy and reliable. He knows the cost of false bravado and a wobbling presence. 

– The masculine does not demean others, nor is he bigoted. He sees all beings as equal and, therefore, worthy of love and protection. He stands for everyone to succeed in their journey to wholeness.

– The Masculine does not collapse all of his emotional, physical, and sexual needs into a single bucket of “sex”. He knows that as a human, his needs are numerous, whether he likes it or not, and he has come to an understanding of how to take care of the soft animal that is his body, heart, and soul. His hugs are the best.

– The Masculine does not have an unhealthy relationship with anger. He knows his anger well. He loves and appreciates the power of it. He knows that inside his anger is the faithful voice of his soul, wanting to express what is most important to him. He does not shame himself; he does not repress himself, he does not invalidate himself, rather he does the work to understand what his feelings are driving at, in a safe way to himself and those around him. He gets clear and uses his anger to fuel his passion, purpose, love, lovemaking, and a fuck ton more. His anger is love in action.

– The Masculine does not see crying as weak. He knows that to feel is brave. He knows he is powerful in his feelings because they are the raw expression of his being. He knows that the men who react to his tears have pain of their own and loves them as they are.

– The Masculine is not hard on himself. He gives himself the same grace, compassion, and understanding that he gives to others.

– The Masculine is not better than the Feminine. He is at the mercy of the Divine as to the shape and flavor he holds. He knows that whatever degree of Masculine and Feminine in him is true, divine, and perfect. He is at peace.

– The Masculine does not use the Feminine to avoid his Masculinity. He acknowledges the pain and judgment he may have, and in his healing, takes action to stand for the Divine Masculine and Feminine in all beings. He is integrated and honors the Feminine alongside his Masculine, with neither being repressed nor shamed.

– The masculine does not blame. He takes ownership.

Thank you for reading.

Hopefully you have less confusion about the Masculine. 

Hopefully you can see how the dogma makes this incredibly beautiful, infinite, loving force into a caricature of itself.

I encourage you to heal and embrace your own inner Masculine. To know it yourself, understand your flavor, and to believe in it. To reclaim this beautiful part for yourself in the face of the toxic mimic’s and two-dimensional reflections that are so abundant in this world we live in. Now, more than ever, we need the Divine Masculine–in you, in all of us–to come forward and lead us to a better future. We need that pure presence, clear purpose, and available heart to care for ourselves, our communities, and the world around us as we step into an even better way of being together.